Dont' Hype Sexting Risks!

Written by Anne Collier

July 30, 2012

To have credibility with teens, here's what education against sexting needs to factor in (and this can be applied to all Internet safety ed): "Citing risks that students experience as unusual (or even rare) may greatly diminish the impact of any information," wrote psychology professor Elizabeth Englander. "For example, many adults teach kids that once you send a picture digitally, you lose control of it and it can be forwarded and copied endlessly. This is absolutely true, of course; but the lesson may feel misleading to kids, since in this study, about three-quarters (74%) of all the kids who sexted reported that to their knowledge, the picture(s) was never shown to anyone apart from the intended recipient." That's just one important takeaway from "Low Risk Associated With Most Teenage Sexting: A Study of 617 18-Year-Olds," a study conducted by psychology professor Elizabeth Englander, writing that the "risk of discovery and social conflict is highest for coerced sexters but still generally low." Englander, who is also director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center, surveyed freshmen at Bridegwater State University about sexting behaviors during their four years of high school. [The study defined "sexting" simply as "sending nude pictures of yourself.") Some key data findings * Why teens sext: "Indisputably, the most important motivation for sexting revealed in this study (and others) was pressure or coercion," according to the report. Besides coercion, "the most common motivation for sexting was because a date or boyfriend/girlfriend wanted the picture (66%). Almost as common was the idea that sexting will attract someone you’re interested in (65%) – a 21st-century equivalent, perhaps, of a new hairstyle. Less common was the idea that sexting could increase your popularity (22%), or that by sexting you could prove to a boyfriend or girlfriend that you completely trust him or her (17%)." * Age factors: 30% reported having send nude photos of themselves and 45 had received "sexts" at some point in high school – much higher than a study I covered here , but that study included 11- and 12-year-olds, whom several studies show to be considerably less likely to engage in this behavior than older peers. For example, an earlier study this year found that "3% of 12-year-olds reported sexting" vs. "32% of 18-year-olds," Dr. Englander reports. She also reports considerable agreement from study to study when age levels match up. * Gender differences when pressure's involved: Where voluntary sexting's concerned, there's little gender difference (17% of boys, 16% of girls), but in cases where the sexting resulted from pressure, twice as many girls sexted than boys (16% vs. 8%, respectively). And for girls "about half of sexting may be coercive." * Risk "generally low": 86% of non-pressured sexters said the photo wasn't seen by anyone but the intended recipient vs. 64% of pressured; overall; overall, 79% of sexters reported that the picture caused no problems for them – 92% of non-pressured sexters and 68% of pressured sexters. * Negative impact much higher when pressure's involved: "Among those who had sexted voluntarily, 79% selected the 'least upset' rating" but only 17% of teens who had been pressured selected the 'least upset' rating. "Risk of discovery or social conflict is much more likely if the sexting was pressured or coerced and much correlated with other problems, such as excessive anxiety, dating violence and of "self-cyberbullying" or digital self-harm, which Englander describes as "taking on false roles to pretend to cyberbully themselves and thereby to gain the attention and sympathy of others, usually peers." * Usually not a victim's only problem: "Pressured-sexters were significantly more likely to report having had problems during high school with excessive anxiety and prior dating violence." * Doesn't correlate with stranger danger: "Only 6% of sexters in this study reported being pressured by unknown strangers online." What will work So rather than educating teens with generalizations that have little bearing on their individual experiences, here are the top pointers from the report for more effective education or awareness-raising: * Help students understand that "sexting is too often coercive," Englander wrote, stressing the importance of this point. "Any discussion of coercive sexting should be made in the context of sexual harassment." Can you see why this is important? Even if they're in a fog of believing they might get to go out with someone viewed as really popular if they yield to pressure to send the person a "sext," they're less likely to if they know that pressure is sexual harassment. * Explain that, if it's not already abundantly clear to them, giving in to sexual harassment does not create any social capital or any other positives. It will not ease the social anxiety that many victims of sexting pressure feel and is very likely to increase it. * Trying to scare them by talking about the risk of criminal prosecution not only doesn't help, it could frighten victims away from reporting the harassment to an adult who can actually help. Besides, as this study points out, for teens, the risk of prosecution (for distribution of child pornography) is becoming very low, despite reports of a few high-profile cases. Remember that it's news reporters' job to report airline crashes, not safe landings, and few people find it useful to extrapolate their air-travel experiences from the crash reports. * How to render the instruction useless: "Students may view the risk of having others see your nude picture as existent but, realistically, pretty low. Hearing adults harp on the possibility as though forwarding were routine can therefore come across as a categorical overreaction." In other words, in digital safety education, let's have a little respect! Our children find relevant information a lot more persuasive than what's irrelevant to them, and we can take a cue from this report and what has worked in general safety education since long before cellphones arrived on the scene (see this). Related links * A University of Michigan survey of 3,557 18-to-24-year-olds found that, "for young adults today who were weaned on iPods and the Internet, the practice of 'sexting'" or sending sexually explicit photos or messages through phones, may be just another normal, healthy component of modern dating" and "isn't associated with sexually risky behaviors or with psychological problems." The study will be published in the next issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health. * "Important insights into sexting from talking with teens" * "Sexting at one US high school" * "Sexting much rarer than thought to be"

Technology companies exploit addiction for profits

Exploiting the Neuroscience of Internet Addiction - From The Atlantic by Bill Davidow

JUL 18 2012, 11:13 AM ET 23

Much of what we do online releases dopamine into the brain's pleasure centers, resulting in obsessive pleasure-seeking behavior. Technology companies face the option to exploit our addictions for profit.

Reuters/Beck Diefenbach

The leaders of Internet companies face an interesting, if also morally questionable, imperative: either they hijack neuroscience to gain market share and make large profits, or they let competitors do that and run away with the market.

In the Industrial Age, Thomas Edison famously said, "I find out what the world needs. Then I go ahead and try to invent." In the Internet Age, more and more companies live by the mantra "create an obsession, then exploit it." Gaming companies talk openly about creating a "compulsion loop," which works roughly as follows: the player plays the game; the player achieves the goal; the player is awarded new content; which causes the player to want to continue playing with the new content and re-enter the loop.
It's not quite that simple. Thanks to neuroscience, we're beginning to understand that achieving a goal or anticipating the reward of new content for completing a task can excite the neurons in the ventral tegmental area of the midbrain, which releases the neurotransmitter dopamine into the brain's pleasure centers. This in turn causes the experience to be perceived as pleasurable. As a result, some people can become obsessed with these pleasure-seeking experiences and engage in compulsive behavior such as a need to keep playing a game, constantly check email, or compulsively gamble online. A recent Newsweek cover story described some of the harmful effects of being trapped in the compulsion loop.
The release of dopamine forms the basis for nicotine, cocaine, and gambling addictions. The inhalation of nicotine triggers a small dopamine release, and a smoker quickly becomes addicted. Cocaine and heroin deliver bigger dopamine jolts, and are even more destructive.

In the past, companies used customer surveys, focus groups, interviews, and psychological tests to figure out how to make products more appealing to customers. In 1957, Vance Packard publishedThe Hidden Persuaders, in which he identified eight hidden needs -- including a consumer's desire to love and be loved, or a yearning for power -- which advertisers could exploit to create demand for their products.
Packard, who questioned the morality of exploiting emotions in order to sell products, died in 1996. Were he alive today, he would surely be shocked to see how primitive the exploitation techniques he described now seem.

Today we can monitor the brain's response with NMR (nuclear magnetic resonance) imaging to more accurately measure what people are experiencing when they play online games, interact with smart devices, or gamble. Luke Clark, a neuroscientist at the University of Cambridge, used brain scans to determine that when gamblers felt they could exert control over a game's outcome -- for example, by throwing the dice harder, or pulling the lever on a slot machine with more force -- it increased their interest in playing. Also, such near misses as getting two out of three matching symbols on a slot machine stimulated the desire to continue to play. Other experiments have shown that optimizing a slot machine's frequency of near misses can extend gambling times by 30 percent. Neuroscientists have also found that it is the unpredictability of winning large rewards that stimulates the dopamine releases that compels gamblers to return.

In the 1990s, concern over obsessive-compulsive behavior associated with computer games and the Internet began to grow. Until roughly 2000, compulsive behavior remained a side effect -- not an intentional element of game design and other Internet applications. Application providers were simply supplying customers with services that made their products more appealing.

In the past, society has been able to put physical barriers in place to make it more difficult to satisfy unhealthy obsessions. Things are very different today.

But before long, people were referring to their BlackBerries as CrackBerries, and parents were beginning to worry about the number of hours their kids spent on video games. We now believe that the compulsion to continually check email, stock prices, and sporting scores on smartphones is driven in some cases by dopamine releases that occur in anticipation of receiving good news. Indeed, we have grown so addicted to our smartphones that we now experience "phantom smartphone buzzing," which tricks our brains into thinking our phone is vibrating when it isn't.
By the time Web 2.0 rolled around, the key to success was to create obsessions. Internet gaming companies now openly discuss compulsion loops that directly result in obsessions, and the goal of other applications is the same: to create the compulsion to gather thousands of friends on Facebook, thousands of followers on Twitter, or be pleasantly surprised to discover from Foursquare that a friend you haven't seen for years is nearby.

In the past, society has been able to put physical barriers in place to make it more difficult to satisfy unhealthy obsessions. For example, gambling casinos were primarily segregated in Nevada. Things are very different today. In the first place, there is no physical barrier between people and the obsession in question. Smartphones and portable electronic devices travel with us in our pockets.

When compulsive behavior undermines our ability to function normally, it enters the realm of obsessive-compulsive disorder. By some estimates around 2 to 4 percent of serious gamblers are addicted, and some 10 percent (it may be less or more since most people under-report addiction ) of Internet users have become so obsessed with the Internet that its use is undermining their social relationships, their family life and marriage, and their effectiveness at work. As the performance of Internet-connected devices improves, and as companies learn how to use neuroscience to make virtual environments more appealing, that number will undoubtedly increase.

Many Internet companies are learning what the tobacco industry has long known -- addiction is good for business. There is little doubt that by applying current neuroscience techniques we will be able to create ever-more-compelling obsessions in the virtual world.

There is, of course, no simple solution to this problem. The answer starts with recognizing that our virtual environment has very real consequences. For my own part, I create physical walls around my virtual environment. I will read books and newspapers anywhere in my home on my iPad, but I answer emails only in my office. When I am talking with my wife, listening to my daughters discuss the challenges they face in raising their children, or playing and laughing with my grandsons, I not only shut off my iPhone, I put it out of reach.

I'm learning that to function effectively and happily in an increasingly virtual world, I have to commit a significant amount to time to living without it.

A Billion Wicked Thoughts - Great new book on sex and the net

A new study on human sexual desire is out - using 400 million internet searches! 55 million of these searches were erotic - representing more than 2 million people world wide. Amazing data! Compare this to the Kinsey data which was based on 18,000 subjects. More to come in the next blog.

State of the Art Strategies for Healthy Cyber Habits

Pearls of wisdom from Kevin Roberts, author of Cyber Junkie and Movers, Dreamers, and Risk-Takers: Unlocking the Power of ADHD http://www.amazon.com/Kevin-J.-Roberts/e/B003OIFWNA

I recently had the great pleasure of interviewing Kevin Roberts. When I first became concerned about technology addiction within the autistic spectrum teens in my social skills groups, the very first book I read was Cyber Junkie. Kevin Roberts tells a personal story of his journey through videogame and cyber addiction and describes how technology addiction unfolds in the lives of children, teens, and adults. Kevin also explains how he conceptualizes gaming and cyber addiction and provides a detailed discussion of support and treatment options.

In addition to being a nationally recognized author and public speaker on technology addiction, Kevin is located in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan and offers a variety of treatment and support services to teens and young adults with ADHD, Asperger's syndrome and cyber addiction. Kevin offers study skills and executive functioning skills groups for teens and college students. He also offers individual executive functioning coaching and provides parents with education and support so that they can understand and work constructively on a variety of issues including homework, executive functioning, and healthy videogame and cyber/social media habits.

Kevin's cyber addiction groups are comprised of 16 to 30-year-olds who struggle with video gaming, YouTube, social media sites, and net surfing. The majority of Kevin's clients are young men  -- however he does see females (teens and adults) who also struggle with technology addiction, particularly social media.

In interviewing Kevin, I was particularly interested in how he recommends parents approach “multitasking” during homework sessions. Parents I work with commonly complain their teen has multiple screens open on their computer and is moving from a Facebook post, to Twitter, to an instant messaging, to downloading music, to watching a video on YouTube, to reading an article for school. Kevin explained that when he is running his study groups, he uses a website that is available through Firefox called LeechBlock. Leechblock is a simple productivity tool designed to block “time wasting sites” that can distract teens and young adults.

The site allows parents to specify which sites they would like to block and for how long -- and then the computer is free from the enticement of multitasking. Kevin recommends this product over downloading software. Software can be complicated to install and many tech savvy teens can uninstall the software or develop strategies for disabling the software. By using a website that remotely controls the computer, the teen cannot change the settings, thus allowing for maximum productivity.

Another area of interest that I pursued with Kevin was whether parents should block or deny all access to technology for children and teens that are having significant problems regulating their access to technology and may be showing signs of compulsive/addictive behavior. In general, Kevin suggests that parents use technology as an incentive for academic productivity. Kevin also explained that teens with Asperger’s syndrome, and to some extent ADHD, do not respond well to blocking all access to technology. Kevin said that blocking access to technology often creates meltdowns and power struggles that prove to be destructive to the parent-child relationship and do not effectively modify technology-related habits and patterns.

Rather than adopt a strategy of blocking access to gaming or the internet, Kevin recommends parents link positive behaviors to gaining access to technology. 

So, for example, during Kevin's study groups, if a student is able to complete his/her assignment within a specified period of time, he/she is able to gain access to a favored website or game. Kevin recommends the same process at home --  that is, parents should construct clear productivity contracts that allow the child/teen to know exactly what they need to do in terms of completing school related or home related chores and tasks in order to gain a specific period of access to computers or video games. Kevin also recommends that when a child or teen is having difficulty with completing homework due to procrastination, then it is best for the parent to become an ally and try to help their child figure out a way to get their work done and earn their screen time. This is obviously a different approach than many parents take which is to become punitive and adversarial.

I also asked Kevin what he recommends when a teen cannot accept any limits on video gaming or computer use. Kevin said there are teens that need to get “unplugged” from all technology and suggested that wilderness programs are ideal for this type of teen. Not only do wilderness programs unplug the child/teen from technology, but they also address the social isolation that comes with technology addiction. In a wilderness program children/teens are required to be part of a social group and must collaborate with their peers in order to build shelter, cook food, and carry food and supplies. Kevin acknowledged these programs are very expensive and therefore may not be financially feasible for many families. Kevin recommends that parents look into local programs that may offer wilderness or outdoor programs on weekends sponsored by mental health organizations or nonprofits organizations.

I asked Kevin who he sees as most vulnerable to technology addiction. As is discussed in Cyber Junkie, Kevin stated that teens with Asperger’s syndrome, ADHD, depression, and bipolar disorder are most vulnerable to having problems regulating their relationship to video games and the Internet. Kevin made the incredibly important point that technology addiction “is always a poor attempt at compensation for a problem that is not being confronted off-line.” As the research clearly states off-line problems lead to online problems.

I then asked Kevin where we are as a culture in terms of understanding the potential risks of technology addiction for children and teens. Kevin believes we are a culture enamored with technology and that using new forms of technology is a very strong current in our culture. Kevin believes that technology addiction is viewed as affecting extreme minority of our population. Kevin thinks that technology addiction affects a significant percentage of the population and therefore believes that we need to teach healthy-positive cyber habits at a very young age. Kevin said we need to focus on prevention, just as we now do with drugs and alcohol. Kevin concluded by saying that unfortunately, at the present time, we are not teaching this lesson to children or teens.

I concluded my interview by asking if Kevin if he has seen an increase in problems related to viewing cyber pornography. Kevin said that he has seen as significant increase in cyber pornography problems. Kevin said that cyber porn is part of a “package of teen cyber compulsivity” and believes that in many cases compulsive use of pornography is not about sex per se, but rather about seeking increasing levels of stimulation. Kevin reports that he knows many teens who became involved in perverse and unhealthy cyber porn websites that were seeking greater levels of excitement and stimulation that sadly created and addiction to pornography.

Overall, Kevin has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in gaming and the internet and believes that with education and prevention children and teens can develop healthy technology habits that can lead to the very productive use of both video gaming and computer technology. As stated above, Kevin believes the key is to provide education and appropriate boundaries beginning in early elementary school so that the next generation of gamers and net surfers will maximize the benefits of technology, while avoiding the potential problems and pitfalls related to technology addiction.

For more information on Kevin Roberts go to  http://kevinjroberts.net/

Technology 101: A great blog by Kevin Roberts

Technology 101: Safety, Balance, and Awareness

On March 28, 2012, In Video, By Kevin Roberts

Technology is almost a sentient being, having a will of its own that projects itself inexorably into our lives. While these ubiquitous devices, that often feel like extensions of ourselves, have extraordinary benefits, use of them has an impact on the brain. The brain has an internal gardener that is forever pruning back some neural networks, while allowing others to grow and thrive. We must keep this in mind as we consider child development in the digital age. How much screen time is too much? How do we help our children achieve balance? Which cyber activities are the most beneficial, and which carry the greatest risks? To answer these questions, we need to take a developmental approach, one that is mindful of the milestones children need to complete at different stages in their growth.

The goals for the school-age child, let’s say 6-10 years of age, are to reinforce the development of real-world skills and a sense of competence or mastery. They also need to become adept at establishing and maintaining relationships with peers, along with playing in ways that foster the ability to resolve conflict and to strategize. They must acquire in these early years the ability to control themselves, or self-regulate, and parents need to help them begin to learn responsibility by doing homework, chores around the house, and getting themselves ready for school and other duties. One of the great risks during this stage is that video games, and games on the smart phone, will become a primary source of entertainment, and a substitute for adventure. When this happens, we often see stagnation in social skills, and even avoidance of interaction with adults. In addition, children who get heavily engaged in these activities neglect homework and household chores.

This is becoming increasingly common! A tendency toward excessive, or even addictive, indulgence in cyber-based amusements also seems to be rooted in these early years. Therefore, it become crucial for parents to take steps to foster a family dynamic that sets limits and expectations for technology, as well to encourage discussion around this topic, especially with regards to Internet safety. In my book, Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap, I recommend that families make technology a frequent topic of discussion. Consider, as part of such discussions, talking about and putting in place the following recommendations that are designed to help you raise balanced and competent children, as well as to maximize family time.

Kevin’s Top Five Technology Tips

1. Have at least some tech-free time as a family. Don’t allow smart phones at the dinner table, for example.
2. In addition to tech-free time, have tech-free zones. Many families I work with choose to use the family room for this purpose. Cell phones, video game consoles, laptops, iPads, and computers are not allowed in there.
3. Set a maximum time allowed on video games and the computer. I recommend no more than two hours a day.
4. For each minute spent on the computer or video game, require a corresponding minute of exercise. This will allow you to combat the tendency for technology to create sedentary and obese children.
5. No TV’s, computers, or video game consoles in the bedroom.

Incidentally, parents must follow these rules too! If you allow your children to police you as well, it will empower them, and serve to create a more harmonious and balanced family. With these steps, parents can communicate the all-important principle that Internet access is not a right but rather a privilege. Meeting target behaviors and certain expectations are required in order to receive and maintain that privilege.

These early school years are also a good time to start teaching about Internet safety. They need to be made aware of several important factors:

1. Passwords are not to be shared.
2. Screen names should not convey identifying information.
3. Never give out your address, age, or phone number online.
4. Report any bullying activities to a parent.
5. If someone you do not know is trying to converse with you online, do not respond and tell a parent.

As your child gets close to the teen years, this discussion should include mention of sending out inappropriate material via text, social networking, and email, and discuss legal ramifications of such activities. In addition, of course, you should make your teen aware that anything he or she posts online could become part of an enduring record that might come back to haunt him or her. In next week’s post, I will go into the implications of technology for teens in greater depth. No matter what the age group, however, the overriding principles are the same: safety, balance, and awareness.

Violent Video Games in the Real World

Ten Conclusions About the Effects of Violent Video Games in the Real World

by Dr. Brent ConradWhat effect does violent video games have on children, teens, and adults? Although many assume that video game violence causes people to behave aggressively and violently in the real world, does the research actually back up this claim?

The answer is not as clear as originally thought.

Despite the fact that researchers have been looking at this question for over thirty years, the answer really depends on:

A. Who asks the question B. How "violence" is defined C. How strong the effects need to be before they are considered clinically significant D. The population being studied

On one extreme are those who argue that computer games actually cause more aggressive and violent behaviors in those who play them. For evidence of this, look no further than individuals and groups who blame video games whenever there are school shootings.

On the other extreme are those who completely deny that violent computer games have any effect whatsoever on those who play them.

Depending on one's motivations and goals, it is extremely easy to find published studies, websites, case studies, and experts in support of either position.

As is often true, the real answer appears to lie somewhere in between these two extremes.

By reviewing published journal articles on the effects of violent video games it is possible to come to some general conclusions.

1. Television violence may be more harmful for children than exposure to violent video games.

2. Physiological measures of arousal such as heart rate, brain activity, and skin conductance do seem to be activated by violent video games.

3. For adults, there is almost no evidence that video game violence increases the likelihood of aggressive behaviors in the real world.

4. In free-play situations immediately after exposure to violent computer games, there is evidence that children show a short-term increase in physical aggression.

5. It is possible that there is a bias towards publishing research demonstrating negative effects of video game violence, compared to studies finding that there is no clear connection.

6. In studies that do find an effect of computer game violence, boys generally show a stronger effect than girls.

7. A person's natural trait aggression is a better predictor of real-world violence than how much he or she plays video games with violent content.

8. Most players deny that playing violent computer games has a negative effect on them. 9. Studies completed in tightly controlled laboratory settings (compared to those in natural settings) seem to increase the odds that a negative effect of video game violence will be found.

10. People who are more aggressive by nature are more likely to play violent video games -- suggesting the relationship between games and aggression is not simply "cause and effect."

Dr. Brent Conrad is a clinical psychologist and author who offers free advice on stopping internet, computer and video game addictions. For much more on the effects of video game violence see www.TechAddiction.ca.

Porn: problems, perils, pitfalls

Here is an excerpt from an article in today's online 

Psychology Today.

Porn: Its Problems, Perils, and Pitfalls

Today's hyper-stimulating erotica and porn pose substantial addictive risks.

Published on June 28, 2012 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self

Till now, in my 12-part series on human sexual desire I’ve confined myself to discussing our richly varied carnal appetites and how theporn industry seeks to satisfy them. In this final post, I’ll offer a perspective on what, practically, all this means for porn consumers—and those near them. And, overall, the picture is somewhat alarming.
Not that I see anything intrinsically wrong or unethical about erotica or pornography. Such contrived titillation does in fact serve some useful purposes. As in offering people a brief respite from stress or boredom; or a mini-vacation from the tasks, obligations, and responsibilities of everyday life. Porn can also help individuals with a low libido become more sexually aroused. And in certain instances it can actually improve sexual sophistication and performance. Additionally, couples sometimes report that porn adds spice and novelty to their sex life. Moreover, research generally hasn’t supported the common claim that porn involvement leads to increased violence against women, contributing to rape as well as chauvinistic or cavalier attitudes toward rape. In fact, many of the familiar moralistic attacks against pornography have failed to receive much empirical support.


Still, what the accumulating literature on the subject has been demonstrating is, frankly, rather scary. As in, “Be afraid . . . be very afraid.” If erotica and porn are used cautiously and in moderation—vs. exclusively or excessively—and as only one of several activities to engage in during one’s “down-time,” it will probably be free of harmful consequences.That is, if it’s not abused. Still, given how we humans (particularly males) are “wired,” few things in life have more addictive potential than turning on to porn on a daily basis. And as psychological and neuro-scientific studies on this so-controversial subject become evermore abundant, the hazards of porn are becoming increasingly difficult to deny.


Consider also the fact that producers of porn, to survive financially in a highly competitive, multi-billion dollar industry, are compelled to make their product as addicting as possible. As in the junk food industry, where the goal is—through giving patrons a particularly “savory” experience—to get them to repeatedly come back for more, these entrepreneurs’ primary objective has to be to deliberately “create craving.” All of which should give you a better sense of how difficult it can be for many people not to eventually fall into the quagmire of porn abuse . . . then dependency . . . then, finally, full-blown addiction. They may start out capable of controlling this euphoria-inducing activity. But at some point that control is lost, their better judgment seriously impaired by a now hijacked brain. And once hooked, they’re no longer able to resist the enormous temptation that porn has become for them.


It’s something akin to trying to lose weight but yet keeping a giant brownie at hand. Sooner or later, it’s virtually guaranteed that the availability of the sweet will doom all efforts to avoid such self-defeating indulgence. And with porn the situation is much worse in that most of us use our computer for various things, so it’s on most of the time—and an “appetizing” porn site is just a click or two away.


In my last post I highlighted a miscellany of relatively recent erotic illusions and went into the neurological, mental, and emotional reasons for their popularity. For they add potent visual cues (for men) or beguiling psychological cues (for women), craftily calculated to accentuate the viewer’s, or reader’s, arousal. Such highly seductive “refinements” on conventional porn increase the likelihood that more porn users than ever will get snared by its lure. Which is why I felt I needed to end this protracted series on a cautionary note. However unknowingly, many people who enter the path of pornography find themselves traveling down a slippery slope. Unless they’re able to put on the breaks and turn away in time, they’re apt to lose their balance altogether. And, as this post will suggest, regaining control can be every bit as difficult and challenging as overcoming other addictions routinely viewed as more dangerous.


Although I’d like to focus my attention on porn addiction, first it may be best to enumerate some problems associated with porn use independent of whether the individual actually gets addicted to it. None of these are to be taken lightly.Many researchers, cultural critics, and mental health professionals have pointed out that porn raises expectations for males counter to what real life can offer. Women are regularly portrayed as ready, willing, and able to do whatever their (beefcake) lover might choose (and that includes welcoming “facials”—and, hopefully, I don’t need to explain what that involves). Naomi Wolf, in an article published in New York Magazine (2003), notes that “in the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off [to] the real thing . . . leading them to see fewer and fewer women as ‘porn-worthy’.” The typically reported result of such a jaded perspective is that more and more males are deciding that the best solution to their arousal problems is to replace the real, 3-dimensional thing (now linked to reduced libido) with the “superior” 2-dimensional erotic turn-ons easily accessible through the Net.


Closely tied to this phenomenon is men’s lessened ability (i.e., under the influence of porn) to forge a truly erotic union with a woman. The hard-earned intimacy of a relationship grounded in affection, love, acceptance, and emotional commitment (rather than simply sex) eludes them as porn makes them more prone than ever to see women as sex objects. And they can’t help but perceive the actual women in their life as somehow inferiorsex objects—certainly as compared to the porn models they’ve grown accustomed to watching, and who now represent their “norm.” Sadly, taking the line of least resistance, they can substitute pseudo-intimacy for the genuine intimacy achievable only with a real-life partner. Which, I think we’d all agree, offers a far more fulfilling experience. Fantasized intimacy may facilitate orgasm, but it can also leave the individual feeling empty and disconnected afterwards.


If continued exposure to porn inclines men to see real women as less physically appealing, and to experience sexual relations as less than satisfying, where does all this leave women? For one thing, they may complain that when they’re having sex with their porn-abusing partner, they can tell that his closed eyes are inwardly focusing on something other than themselves. In other words, these males just aren’t with them; they’re outside looking in (or within)—truly “missing in action.”And there are other problems as well. Women tend to be much more concerned—and self-conscious—about their appearance than men. Recognizing that as imperfect beings they can’t possibly match up with the cyberspace beauties that men, however vicariously, may be “devouring” daily on the Web, their insecurity and self-doubt can become magnified. Beyond this, many women report that men seem to show less interest in foreplay and turning them on. Rather, taking their lead from innumerable Internet examples, they can be almost obsessed with employing female bodies to maximize their own lustful pleasure—or at least to reach climax. And in the end such alienated sex fosters not greater emotional closeness but a less-than-involved detachment, or loneliness—and for both parties.

Online porn and the Impact on Teens

How Does Internet Porn Affect Teens--Really?

Teens have adjusted to a porn-filled world.

Published on May 17, 2011 by Michael Castleman, M.A. in All About Sex

Before the Internet, that is pre-1995s, hardcore pornography was difficult for teens to obtain. Today, with a few clicks, millions of photos and videos are available for free to anyone. This change has triggered great anguish among social conservatives, who wring their hands that the current generation of teens is coming of age in a world awash in X-rated imagery that's sweeping them down a sewer of filth.
In a previous blog post ("Does Pornography Cause Social Harm?" April 27, 2009), I compared rates of sexual assault, teen sex, and teen contraception before and after free porn became easily accessible on the Internet. Comparing the early 1990s and today, rates of teen intercourse and sexual assault have declined considerably, while teen condom use has increased. These changes don't prove that porn causes no social harm, but they show that social conservatives are mistaken when they argue that exposure to porn causes rape and teen sexual irresponsibility. That's simply not the case.But broad social indices don't get inside young people's heads and tell us what teens think of pornography. 


That's why I was delighted to read a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research that explored how 73 middle-class Swedish teens, age 14 to 20, actually felt about pornography. I find the results reassuring. The researchers conclude: "Most participants had acquired the skills to navigate the pornographic landscape in a sensible manner. Most had the ability to distinguish between pornographic fantasies on the one hand, and real sexual interactions and relationships on the other."Previous studies have shown that 92 percent of Swedish teens admit having viewed Internet porn. Girls often stumble on it accidentally. Boys are much more likely to seek it out. No surprise there.Boys generally enjoy porn as pure sexual entertainment. They also consider it a source of sex education. As one boy remarked, porn teaches "other ways to have sex."


Girls feel more ambivalent. The majority called porn repulsive, but one-third called it interesting and exciting. Those who found it exciting did not broadcast that opinion, especially to boys for fear of winding up with a bad reputation. Most girls embraced what the researchers called "the love ideology," the idea that love legitimates sex. Girls' disapproved of porn because it represents sex without emotional involvement, without love. Girls said they might be open to viewing porn, but only with a boy they loved.


In the study, both boys and girls understood that porn indulges men's sexual fantasies, that the men in porn have only one thing on their minds, and that the women are there solely to satisfy the men's needs-even when their own needs are ignored. Boys accepted this more or less uncritically, but girls disapproved of porn's lack of interest in women's sexual pleasure.


Girls also admitted that they compared their own bodies to those of the women in porn. They expressed insecurity about their bodies, and worried that boys would find them not sexy enough to be adequate sex partners.Boys expressed some surprise about this-and with good reason. Today, there's porn involving every female body type: thin, plump, fat, small breasts, big breasts, natural breasts, surgically augmented breasts, natural pubic hair, trimmed hair, partly shaved, and fully shaved.Girls feared that boys wanted to do everything they saw in porn, notably anal play. Boys "fervently denied" this. "They asserted that sex in real life is something completely different from sex in porn," and insisted that they can distinguish between the two, just as they can differentiate cartoon violence from real violence.


Girls and boys agreed that porn's easy availability means that it affects everyone to some degree, but they also agreed that "the majority [of their peers] managed to avoid becoming psychologically harmed by it." Both girls and boys understood that porn is like the chase scenes in action movies-exciting to watch, but not the way to drive. Far from being carried away by porn, the teens in this study viewed it critically and had successfully integrated it into healthy emotional lives.


Lofgren-Martenson, L. and S. S.A. Mansson. "Lust, Love, and Life: A Qualitative Study of Swedish Adolescents' Perceptions and Experiences with Pornography," Journal of Sex Research (2010) 47:568

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