Time Magazine has a detailed article on the current thinking about sex addiction and the sexual recovery industry. The article examines the legitimacy of sex addiction as a psychiatric category and looks at the various treatment options now available to address compulsive sexual behavior.
The article features a longtime sex addict who has been involved in one of the oldest 12 step programs available to men and women with sexually compulsive behavior: SAA/sex addicts anonymous.The trials and tribulations "Neil," the focus of the article, accurately represents individuals who cannot come to terms with the sacrifices and work required to reach sobriety. With this said, Neil represents a subgroup of men with sexually compulsive behavior who do not achieve meaningful sobriety even with nearly 2 1/2 decades of contact with Sex Addicts Anonymous.
The problem with Neil's story is that it makes for great reading but fails to spell out the way that sexual sobriety occurs. There are countless stories within various twelve-step programs devoted to sexually compulsive behavior that involve meaningful and lasting changes in sexual behavior and the capacity for human intimacy.
It is therefore unfortunate that Neil is the focus of this very important piece in a national magazine. The topic of sex addiction and recovery options is a crucial issue for thousands of men and women. It would have provided a more balanced and realistic picture of the recovery process had the magazine chosen to tell a less interesting but more accurate story of recovery from sexually compulsive behavior.
Whether or not sex addiction or hypersexual behavior is a legitimate category within the psychiatric nomenclature is a debate reasonable people can discuss. What is clear and lacking in controversy is the simple fact that men and women from all walks of life, from San Diego to the tip of Maine, struggle with sexually compulsive behavior and need the support of trained mental health professionals, residential treatment centers, and 12 step programs in order to gain control over their lives and establish meaningful and lasting relationships.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Social media is reprogramming our children's brain. What's a parent to do?
In the 2/21/11 issue of Time Magazine there is a very interesting article by Dalton Conley on the effects of social media on developing brains. The constant amount of external stimuli from texting, facebooking, chatting, etc, is decreasing children/teen's capacity to maintain their focus. Each time children/teens get another message their pleasure receptors are activated which leads to increased focus on environmental stimuli at the expense of the capacity to attend to tasks the require sustained effort -- such as reading a book.
Dalton Conley also points out that 24/7 connectivity of social media deprives children/teens of much needed down time or alone time -- which is needed to develop a sense of self. What does Conley recommend? No Facebook during the school week and no electronics after 930pm -- the latter so that teens can get some sleep.
Check out the article. It really helps with understanding that all of the social media that is connecting our kids has a steep downside.
Dalton Conley also points out that 24/7 connectivity of social media deprives children/teens of much needed down time or alone time -- which is needed to develop a sense of self. What does Conley recommend? No Facebook during the school week and no electronics after 930pm -- the latter so that teens can get some sleep.
Check out the article. It really helps with understanding that all of the social media that is connecting our kids has a steep downside.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Victory: lifetime sex registration avoided
In my previous post I discussed a case I was working on in which an 18-year-oldwho viewed child pornography was facing lifetime registration as a sex offender. Fortunately, after the district attorney read my report that explained the way in which a typical teen can find their way into downloading child photography, the charges were modified and lifetime sex registration was taken off the table.
In this case the district attorney was willing to consider new research and data on the development of cyber addiction and, in particular, cyber pornography and cybersex. There are many dangerous perpetrators out they are in cyberspace who certainly need to be apprehended and placed in custody. However, there is also an increasingly large number of typical teens and adults who find their way into increasingly risky and ultimately illegal websites who are not sexual predators.
It is of crucial importance for those who work in the field of cyber and gaming addiction to educate the public, including parents, teachers, rabbis, Boy Scout leaders, etc. of the potential dangers of allowing a child or teen to explore cyberspace without restrictions. The case described above had a very positive outcome, however, it could have easily gone in a different direction and the district attorney could have pursued incarceration and sex registration status.
Parents and caregivers need to take seriously the importance of carefully monitoring where children and teens go as they click their way through cyberspace. Certainly, in an ideal world, we could allow our children and teenagers to feel that they can explore websites without being monitored. Unfortunately, this is not consistent with the dangers that are presented and need to be carefully avoided.
The bottom line is internet pornography is a very dangerous area of cyberspace because it is so easy to move from acceptable, mainstream, pornography sites into child pornography sites. The importance point to remember is that the children and teens who are currently online have access to a virtually unlimited supply of images, images that range from the acceptable and typical through the bizarre, obscene, and illegal.
In this case the district attorney was willing to consider new research and data on the development of cyber addiction and, in particular, cyber pornography and cybersex. There are many dangerous perpetrators out they are in cyberspace who certainly need to be apprehended and placed in custody. However, there is also an increasingly large number of typical teens and adults who find their way into increasingly risky and ultimately illegal websites who are not sexual predators.
It is of crucial importance for those who work in the field of cyber and gaming addiction to educate the public, including parents, teachers, rabbis, Boy Scout leaders, etc. of the potential dangers of allowing a child or teen to explore cyberspace without restrictions. The case described above had a very positive outcome, however, it could have easily gone in a different direction and the district attorney could have pursued incarceration and sex registration status.
Parents and caregivers need to take seriously the importance of carefully monitoring where children and teens go as they click their way through cyberspace. Certainly, in an ideal world, we could allow our children and teenagers to feel that they can explore websites without being monitored. Unfortunately, this is not consistent with the dangers that are presented and need to be carefully avoided.
The bottom line is internet pornography is a very dangerous area of cyberspace because it is so easy to move from acceptable, mainstream, pornography sites into child pornography sites. The importance point to remember is that the children and teens who are currently online have access to a virtually unlimited supply of images, images that range from the acceptable and typical through the bizarre, obscene, and illegal.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Lifetime sex registration for a teen?
I spent the better part of this week writing a report in connection with a criminal case involving an 18-year-old male. Without going into details of this case, suffice it to say that he was exploring different genres of pornography and decided to investigate child pornography. This young man has never shown any interest in sexually deviant behavior. In fact, he is a very typical adolescent, who takes honors classes, loves sports, and is a outdoor enthusiast. His family is intact, supportive, structured, and in charge of decision-making.
To make a long story short, the Los Angeles police department was monitoring this young man's use of the Internet and discovered that he was downloading images from child pornography sites. The Los Angeles police department came to his home dressed in SWAT gear and confiscated all of the computers in the house and arrested the young man.
Although the amount of child photography was minimal and all images were found in the trash bin of his personal computer, the police initially thought that he was involved in an international ring of child pornography distribution. They have subsequently come to understand that he was not part of any larger group that was in the business of trafficking child photography. Despite the fact that the DA has been made aware of this young man's considerable strengths, the absence of any prior criminal activity, and the absence of any indication that he is capable of sexually deviant behavior, they are remaining steadfast that he be registered as a sex offender on a lifetime basis.
In my report I attempted to educate the DA. about how typically developing teens can become involved in cyber pornography and spiral out of control, ending up looking at child pornography. I attempted to discuss the way in which pornography interacts with brain biochemistry, the euphoric states that pornography produces, and the problems that teens have in limiting their own access to pornography. The report was 15 pages, single spaced, at 12 font and was fully loaded with contemporary thinking about the biology of addiction, biology of pornography, and current statistics on teen access to the Internet and to cyber pornography.
Let us all hope that the DA. drops the demand for lifetime sex registration status and instead offers probation. It is my belief that if law enforcement is unable to differentiate the guppies from the sharks, so to speak, there will be literally hundreds of cases of typical males who have wandered into illegal and inappropriate websites who are then arrested and face criminal prosecution.
Due to the enormous risk associated with viewing cyber pornography it is crucial that parents monitor and regulate all access to the Internet, including reviewing histories, sorting through recycling bins, etc.
If you have questions regarding this post, please do not hesitate to contact me directly at 310/287-1640.
To make a long story short, the Los Angeles police department was monitoring this young man's use of the Internet and discovered that he was downloading images from child pornography sites. The Los Angeles police department came to his home dressed in SWAT gear and confiscated all of the computers in the house and arrested the young man.
Although the amount of child photography was minimal and all images were found in the trash bin of his personal computer, the police initially thought that he was involved in an international ring of child pornography distribution. They have subsequently come to understand that he was not part of any larger group that was in the business of trafficking child photography. Despite the fact that the DA has been made aware of this young man's considerable strengths, the absence of any prior criminal activity, and the absence of any indication that he is capable of sexually deviant behavior, they are remaining steadfast that he be registered as a sex offender on a lifetime basis.
In my report I attempted to educate the DA. about how typically developing teens can become involved in cyber pornography and spiral out of control, ending up looking at child pornography. I attempted to discuss the way in which pornography interacts with brain biochemistry, the euphoric states that pornography produces, and the problems that teens have in limiting their own access to pornography. The report was 15 pages, single spaced, at 12 font and was fully loaded with contemporary thinking about the biology of addiction, biology of pornography, and current statistics on teen access to the Internet and to cyber pornography.
Let us all hope that the DA. drops the demand for lifetime sex registration status and instead offers probation. It is my belief that if law enforcement is unable to differentiate the guppies from the sharks, so to speak, there will be literally hundreds of cases of typical males who have wandered into illegal and inappropriate websites who are then arrested and face criminal prosecution.
Due to the enormous risk associated with viewing cyber pornography it is crucial that parents monitor and regulate all access to the Internet, including reviewing histories, sorting through recycling bins, etc.
If you have questions regarding this post, please do not hesitate to contact me directly at 310/287-1640.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Porn Trap: Law Enforcement and Sex Offender Status
Many a teen has clicked here and there, while exploring porn on the net, and found themselves on a child porn site. This often happens inch by inch -- curiosity leads to looking at girls who appear to be same age peers and then comes another click of the mouse and low and behold there is a younger child. The process of exploring quickly turns into to a crime as various law enforcement agencies are either monitoring these web sites or they have created a child porn site to catch those who are down loading porn or creating porn.
Once enforcement is alerted they typically will raid the house of the teen -- guns drawn, ready to seize all property that my contain child porn images: computer, smart phone, Ipod, camera, I pad. District attorneys are not only very determined to prosecute teen cases, but part of their strategy is to ask the Courts to require the teen to register for the remainder of their lives as a sex offender.
To be sure the work of law enforcement to find those who traffic in child porn is critical to public safety -- but the problem for the Courts is how to properly punish a teen who has viewed child porn images who is not a pedophile. The consequences of a teen viewing child porn will be the subject of another blog -- what is important to think about now is the risk that teens take whenever they explore sexual images on the net. This is why it is crucial to have clear guidelines about porn and to enforce these guidelines every day by monitoring where teens are traveling on the net -- computer, smart phone, Ipad, etc.
It is also very important for teens to understand that law enforcement agencies are "out there" in "cyber space" and one of many negative consequences may be a life time registration as a sex offender. Click, click, click, crime. It is that easy!
Bottom line: check where your child "is" on the net everytime they are on the net.
Once enforcement is alerted they typically will raid the house of the teen -- guns drawn, ready to seize all property that my contain child porn images: computer, smart phone, Ipod, camera, I pad. District attorneys are not only very determined to prosecute teen cases, but part of their strategy is to ask the Courts to require the teen to register for the remainder of their lives as a sex offender.
To be sure the work of law enforcement to find those who traffic in child porn is critical to public safety -- but the problem for the Courts is how to properly punish a teen who has viewed child porn images who is not a pedophile. The consequences of a teen viewing child porn will be the subject of another blog -- what is important to think about now is the risk that teens take whenever they explore sexual images on the net. This is why it is crucial to have clear guidelines about porn and to enforce these guidelines every day by monitoring where teens are traveling on the net -- computer, smart phone, Ipad, etc.
It is also very important for teens to understand that law enforcement agencies are "out there" in "cyber space" and one of many negative consequences may be a life time registration as a sex offender. Click, click, click, crime. It is that easy!
Bottom line: check where your child "is" on the net everytime they are on the net.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"But what will he do instead?"
When I discuss setting limits on access to the internet and video gaming with parents, the vast majority recognize limits are needed. However, when the discussion shifts to "How much time is too much time?" most parents become overwhelmed because they can't see what the alternative is to being "plugged in."
Understandably, parents ask: "What will my child do INSTEAD of being on the net or gaming?" The short answer is: "Anything outdoors!" Such as, hiking, walking, biking, swimming, gardening, washing the car, walking the dog, painting the fence, building a bird bath, collecting sea shells, flying a kite, fishing, sledding, boogie boarding, building sand castles, catching frogs, and so on and so forth.
It is crucial to understand up front that NO activity will replace the pleasue derived from the net or gaming. So, the challenge is introducing options/choices that will be rejected as boring (because they are boring relative to the net and gaming). But parents have to get past this comparison (between electronic pleasure and non electromic pleasure) and begin to etsablish new routines and patterns that will improve fitness, social skills, and provide options for increased self-esteem.
As has been suggested in previous posts, begin by gathering data. For a priod of one week, log every minute your child/teens in "plugged in." After you know what your baseline number is (20 hours, 30 hours, or more per week) then you can begin to fashion a cut down plan. You might start with media free days or media free zones (e.g., no internet or gaming Sunday through Thursday). One change is always a good idea: no computers or gaming systems in a child/teen's bedroom.
The key is to take back control of access to computers and gaming systems and there are various ways to do this -- which depend on your child/teen and your family. For more information on how to set limits, check out Video Games and Your Kids (by Hilarie Cash and Kim McDaniel).
Or, feel free to contact me at this blog or via phone: 310/287-1640.
Understandably, parents ask: "What will my child do INSTEAD of being on the net or gaming?" The short answer is: "Anything outdoors!" Such as, hiking, walking, biking, swimming, gardening, washing the car, walking the dog, painting the fence, building a bird bath, collecting sea shells, flying a kite, fishing, sledding, boogie boarding, building sand castles, catching frogs, and so on and so forth.
It is crucial to understand up front that NO activity will replace the pleasue derived from the net or gaming. So, the challenge is introducing options/choices that will be rejected as boring (because they are boring relative to the net and gaming). But parents have to get past this comparison (between electronic pleasure and non electromic pleasure) and begin to etsablish new routines and patterns that will improve fitness, social skills, and provide options for increased self-esteem.
As has been suggested in previous posts, begin by gathering data. For a priod of one week, log every minute your child/teens in "plugged in." After you know what your baseline number is (20 hours, 30 hours, or more per week) then you can begin to fashion a cut down plan. You might start with media free days or media free zones (e.g., no internet or gaming Sunday through Thursday). One change is always a good idea: no computers or gaming systems in a child/teen's bedroom.
The key is to take back control of access to computers and gaming systems and there are various ways to do this -- which depend on your child/teen and your family. For more information on how to set limits, check out Video Games and Your Kids (by Hilarie Cash and Kim McDaniel).
Or, feel free to contact me at this blog or via phone: 310/287-1640.
Friday, January 14, 2011
24 hours without any media: a study led by International Center for Media and the Public Agenda
The University of Maryland's International Center for Media and the Public Agenda teamed with the Salzburg Academy on Media and Global Change to study the effects of a 24-hour hiatus on media. The study included students at 10 universities worldwide. The study asked students to go for a period of 24 hours without Internet, cell phone, e-mail, or any other form of media.
According to this study, most college students are not simply unwilling, but functionally unable to be without their media links to the world. What were the study's top five highlights?
1) Students used literal terms of addiction to characterize their dependence on media. Students stated "although I started the day feeling good, I noticed my mood started to change around noon. I started to feel isolated and lonely." By 2 PM I began to feel the urgent need to check my e-mail, and even thought of a million ideas of why I had to check my e-mail. I felt like a person on a deserted island. I noticed physically, but I began to fidget, as if I were addicted to my iPod and other media devices, and maybe I am."
2) Students had a profoundly negative reaction to going without their media. In their world, going without media felt as if they were without friends and family. Students wrote "texting and instant messaging my friends gives me a constant feeling of comfort. When I did not have those two ways of communicating, I felt alone and secluded from my life. Although I go to school with thousands of students, the fact that I was not able to communicate with anyone via technology was almost unbearable."
3) Students showed no significant loyalty to news programs, news personalities, or news platforms. Students have only casual relationships to the originators of news and, in fact, do not make distinctions between news and more personal information. They acquire news in a "disaggregated" manner, often via their friends. Students wrote "although I will admit I do not actively keep up with breaking news everyday I do get a lot of information on a daily basis through social networking, text messaging, and websites such as Gmail, where it does have headlines on the homepage.
4) 18 to 21-year-old college students are constantly texting and on Facebook--with calling an e-mail a distant second as ways of staying in touch, especially with friends. Students wrote "texting and Facebook allow me to make plans to meet up and act socially, whereas without these two devices I had no easy way of making plans unless I happened to run into the person I wanted to do something with."
5) Students could live without television and newspapers, but said they could not survive without their iPods. Students wrote "it was really hard for me to go without listening to my iPod during the day because it's kind of my way to zone out of everything and everyone. It gets in my mind. Listening to music before I go to class to take an exam is my way of getting amped up like a football player before a game."
The advantages of unplugging?
Effectively all those who succeeded in their studying said that without the distraction of Facebook, text messages and videos they spent more time on their coursework.Students reported "my morning routine was completely different. I couldn't check my phone, e-mail, weather, or watch SportsCenter. My morning was not rushed. It was quiet and seemed slow. It was actually somewhat peaceful. Classes went better since I couldn't text or get on the Internet. I took better notes and was more focused."
Several students noted their surprise at how productive they were during this 24 hour hiatus. One student wrote "over my 24 hours without media, I finished an entire novel and started a second novel."
The study demonstrated that students who use laptops in class are generally multitasking. While keeping one year tuned to the professor, they are simultaneously checking e-mails, updating Facebook pages, and chatting with friends via instant messengers.
Although the assignment of being media free for 24 hours stunned most of the students, at the end many found a kind of equanimity with the outcome of their media free day. There were students who expressed feeling relaxed, care-free, peaceful, and serene.
Students wrote "this assignment allowed me to take a step back and reflect. I probably had more thinking time that day than any other day I spent at college. As the hiatus made both laptops and cell phones off limits in other classes, students said that without the temptation of their computers and cell phones they were able to accomplish more during class.
One student wrote "I found that I was able to pay more attention in class, instead of checking my BlackBerry constantly to see if I got any messages or e-mails, and not having my computer in class was less distracting since I was not tempted to check my Facebook page every second."
Multiple students observed that they unexpectedly became aware of aspects of their life which they had been oblivious to. Some students reflected on their media free period by saying they caught up with their priorities and spend more quality time with their loved ones.
According to this study, most college students are not simply unwilling, but functionally unable to be without their media links to the world. What were the study's top five highlights?
1) Students used literal terms of addiction to characterize their dependence on media. Students stated "although I started the day feeling good, I noticed my mood started to change around noon. I started to feel isolated and lonely." By 2 PM I began to feel the urgent need to check my e-mail, and even thought of a million ideas of why I had to check my e-mail. I felt like a person on a deserted island. I noticed physically, but I began to fidget, as if I were addicted to my iPod and other media devices, and maybe I am."
2) Students had a profoundly negative reaction to going without their media. In their world, going without media felt as if they were without friends and family. Students wrote "texting and instant messaging my friends gives me a constant feeling of comfort. When I did not have those two ways of communicating, I felt alone and secluded from my life. Although I go to school with thousands of students, the fact that I was not able to communicate with anyone via technology was almost unbearable."
3) Students showed no significant loyalty to news programs, news personalities, or news platforms. Students have only casual relationships to the originators of news and, in fact, do not make distinctions between news and more personal information. They acquire news in a "disaggregated" manner, often via their friends. Students wrote "although I will admit I do not actively keep up with breaking news everyday I do get a lot of information on a daily basis through social networking, text messaging, and websites such as Gmail, where it does have headlines on the homepage.
4) 18 to 21-year-old college students are constantly texting and on Facebook--with calling an e-mail a distant second as ways of staying in touch, especially with friends. Students wrote "texting and Facebook allow me to make plans to meet up and act socially, whereas without these two devices I had no easy way of making plans unless I happened to run into the person I wanted to do something with."
5) Students could live without television and newspapers, but said they could not survive without their iPods. Students wrote "it was really hard for me to go without listening to my iPod during the day because it's kind of my way to zone out of everything and everyone. It gets in my mind. Listening to music before I go to class to take an exam is my way of getting amped up like a football player before a game."
The advantages of unplugging?
Effectively all those who succeeded in their studying said that without the distraction of Facebook, text messages and videos they spent more time on their coursework.Students reported "my morning routine was completely different. I couldn't check my phone, e-mail, weather, or watch SportsCenter. My morning was not rushed. It was quiet and seemed slow. It was actually somewhat peaceful. Classes went better since I couldn't text or get on the Internet. I took better notes and was more focused."
Several students noted their surprise at how productive they were during this 24 hour hiatus. One student wrote "over my 24 hours without media, I finished an entire novel and started a second novel."
The study demonstrated that students who use laptops in class are generally multitasking. While keeping one year tuned to the professor, they are simultaneously checking e-mails, updating Facebook pages, and chatting with friends via instant messengers.
Although the assignment of being media free for 24 hours stunned most of the students, at the end many found a kind of equanimity with the outcome of their media free day. There were students who expressed feeling relaxed, care-free, peaceful, and serene.
Students wrote "this assignment allowed me to take a step back and reflect. I probably had more thinking time that day than any other day I spent at college. As the hiatus made both laptops and cell phones off limits in other classes, students said that without the temptation of their computers and cell phones they were able to accomplish more during class.
One student wrote "I found that I was able to pay more attention in class, instead of checking my BlackBerry constantly to see if I got any messages or e-mails, and not having my computer in class was less distracting since I was not tempted to check my Facebook page every second."
Multiple students observed that they unexpectedly became aware of aspects of their life which they had been oblivious to. Some students reflected on their media free period by saying they caught up with their priorities and spend more quality time with their loved ones.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)